Comment from a reader

This is a good one, Moshe. I'm working on this and adding the extra time has really made a difference in how I feel moment to moment.
thanks so much.

From the desk of Dr. Moshe Zloof: Advice of the week-- June 17, 009

The Anatomy of Tardiness

or the advantage of being on time

by

Dr. Moshe Zloof

Common perception is that it’s difficult to change one’s habits, particularly the tendency to persistent tardiness. The purpose of this week's advice is to chart the damage this pattern incurs on the mind and body, including the loss of precious time that can be used more productively.

The brain has two major centers, 1) the cognitive center (located at the prefrontal lobe), where we think, interpret,&nbs p;and make decisions, and 2) the emotional centers (located at the center of the brain) inducing fear, worry, anger, happiness and sadness. Both centers consume considerable amount of energy through blood flow to their corresponding locations.

When you are late to important events such as interviews, business meetings, court proceedings, or catching a flight, your fear and worry centers become overactive, depleting the flow in the Cognitive Centers by consuming extra amounts of blood flow (energy). This is why you lose focus and concentration. So instead of focusing on what you are going to say in your presentation after your landing, you are now worried and fearful about the consequences of missing the flight.
Even if you succeed to arrive on time, you have already wasted energy fretting about it instead of using the time creatively and productively to think about the issues at hand. Furthermore, this experience will continue to draw on your energy during the rest of the day, rendering you anxious and exhausted by the end of the day.

Frequent fear and worry result in a perpetual state of unrest and stress, which in the long run affect the Amygdale (center of fear), the adrenal gland, the heart, and making one prone to a number of physical infirmities.

Advice

If you have new motivation to correct the habit of tardiness, start slowly by giving yourself just 10-15 minutes more time than your normal schedule. As you realize the positive effect it is having on you, such as being less nervous and being able to use your time more productively, your system will eventually reprogram this habit into a more positive one.

From the Desk of Dr. Moshe Zloof: Advice of the week - June 10, 2009

Why most New Year Resolutions Fail
By

Dr. Moshe Zloof

New Year Resolutions can be broken down into two major categories:

1. Resolutions to change ones bad habits, such as to stop smoking, drinking, or over-eating.

2. Resolutions to set positive goals and milestones: I want to get my degree; I want to start an exercise or running program.

For a resolution to be carried out successfully, one needs the following basic elements:

· Clear and strong incentives: clear incentives are the most important ingredient for success; to lose 20 lbs. if it guarantees a role in a movie is stronger incentive than wanting to lose 20 lbs. just to feel good.

· Will power: Strong incentives produce strong will power each time you need it during the process, such as exercising will power not to drink at a bar if you are trying to stop drinking.

· Visualization: To reinforce the will power always visualize the outcome of a successful resolution; if your goal is to run a marathon, then at difficult moments, visualize the feeling of elation as you cross the finish line.

· Commitment: You also need to commit the time, effort and expenses required to accomplish your goals.

· Program: For most serious resolutions you need to follow a clear and tested program, whether it’s a procedure for dieting described in a book, or joining a running group such as ‘San Jose Fit.’

Advice

· One resolution at a time: It was recently shown in psychological studies that that will power requires cognitive mental effort that affects one’s concentration and focus. Therefore you should concentrate on only one resolution at a time, preferably when on vacation. This is when the mind is relatively free of stress and capable of dealing with annoying temptations and disturbances.

· Take baby steps: It was also shown that will power, like falling in love, cannot be sustained for a long period of time. 95% of dieters who lose considerable amount weight in a short period regain it all back in a year’s time, because they lose their will power. You need to take baby steps and lose gradually, say 1 lb a month, or reduce one cigarette each week, so your system gets used to the new homeostatic state where will power is not needed all the time.

· Setbacks and relapses are ok: you have to realize that relapses are part of the process, and when that occurs don’t give up easily. Start again and learn from the experience.

· Seek positive feedback: And finally, seeking positive feedback from family and friends is important to refresh your incentives and will power, guaranteeing ultimate success!


Dr Zloof offers one-to-one coaching or group workshops using his unique techniques in MindVisualizer tm. One complimentary one-to-one coaching session or group session is available.

Email mzloof@aol.com

Comments and discussion welcomed:
http://mindvisualizertm.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/drzloof

From the Desk of Dr. Moshe Zloof. Advice of the week - for June 2, 2009

Criticism: Whether Constructive or Destructive is in the Eyes of the Beholder!

By

Dr. Moshe Zloof

Criticism or advice spans a wide range of areas: from advice on how to change one's habits (normally given by spouses), to critiquing a person's creative work. We often find ourselves either subject to criticism or doling out criticism.

A noteworthy fact is that there is a thin line between advice, constructive criticism, and destructive criticism. All that depends on who is criticizing or advising and who is receiving the advice. I am quite certain that many of you encountered situations whereby you tried to help someone through constructive criticism, yet it was rejected and construed negatively. The reasons for that are many, but I’ll just mention a few:

1. Our habits and opinions are ‘programmed’ in our brain, and naturally any advice that tries to ‘reprogram’ any of them is going to be scornfully dismissed--at least initially. Imagine someone suggesting you change the way you tie your shoe laces.
2. When advice or criticism intrude on one's turf, such as the mother who tells her daughter how to run her household and bring up the children.
3. When one is suffering from low self-esteem due to a temporary set back, like going through a mid-life crisis, she /he is extremely sensitive to any criticism or suggestions. The brain has a ‘protective mechanism’ to reject negative criticism when one is anxious or depressed and often switches to a denial mode!
   
   Advice to the Receiver of the Criticism
   

• Theoretically, criticism of any kind should always be welcomed, even if we think it is inappropriate or demeaning; we can learn something from it.
• Advice and criticism forge our character and improve the quality of our work, and often bringing us back to reality.
• Avoid the premature exposure of your creative work to criticism, because it can have a devastating effect--to the point of making you give up, if the criticism is too harsh.
  You should always thank the people who criticize you, even if you initially reject it in your mind, especially if it comes from a loving supportive person.
• One should realize that sometimes people give advice for their own gratification, to feel important and needed, as may be the case of "motherly" advice.
• Don’t dismiss or draw conclusions too early. Sleep on it to allow your brain to ‘reprogram’ itself; you may yet reap a benefit from the advice. At this point it is appropriate to let the criticizer know that you appreciate the advice.
  
  Advice to the Criticizer
  
• When you give constructive criticism that may be construed as negative, be sure to 'pad' it with a positive opening, as they do in many cultures: ‘I am not here to criticize you but…”or “don’t take it the wrong way, I am just trying to help…”
• When criticizing people who are going through a critical phase, do it only if it's going to benefit them. Go easy, and don't be too critical.

Dr Zloof offers one-to-one coaching or group workshops using his unique techniques in MindVisualizer tm. A 30-minute complimentary session one-to-one coaching or group session is available. Email dr.zloof@gmail.com

Comments and discussion welcomed:

http://mindvisualizertm.blogspot.com/

http://twitter.com/drzloof