From the Desk of Dr. Moshe Zloof. Advice of the week - for June 2, 2009

Criticism: Whether Constructive or Destructive is in the Eyes of the Beholder!

By

Dr. Moshe Zloof

Criticism or advice spans a wide range of areas: from advice on how to change one's habits (normally given by spouses), to critiquing a person's creative work. We often find ourselves either subject to criticism or doling out criticism.

A noteworthy fact is that there is a thin line between advice, constructive criticism, and destructive criticism. All that depends on who is criticizing or advising and who is receiving the advice. I am quite certain that many of you encountered situations whereby you tried to help someone through constructive criticism, yet it was rejected and construed negatively. The reasons for that are many, but I’ll just mention a few:

1. Our habits and opinions are ‘programmed’ in our brain, and naturally any advice that tries to ‘reprogram’ any of them is going to be scornfully dismissed--at least initially. Imagine someone suggesting you change the way you tie your shoe laces.
2. When advice or criticism intrude on one's turf, such as the mother who tells her daughter how to run her household and bring up the children.
3. When one is suffering from low self-esteem due to a temporary set back, like going through a mid-life crisis, she /he is extremely sensitive to any criticism or suggestions. The brain has a ‘protective mechanism’ to reject negative criticism when one is anxious or depressed and often switches to a denial mode!
   
   Advice to the Receiver of the Criticism
   

• Theoretically, criticism of any kind should always be welcomed, even if we think it is inappropriate or demeaning; we can learn something from it.
• Advice and criticism forge our character and improve the quality of our work, and often bringing us back to reality.
• Avoid the premature exposure of your creative work to criticism, because it can have a devastating effect--to the point of making you give up, if the criticism is too harsh.
  You should always thank the people who criticize you, even if you initially reject it in your mind, especially if it comes from a loving supportive person.
• One should realize that sometimes people give advice for their own gratification, to feel important and needed, as may be the case of "motherly" advice.
• Don’t dismiss or draw conclusions too early. Sleep on it to allow your brain to ‘reprogram’ itself; you may yet reap a benefit from the advice. At this point it is appropriate to let the criticizer know that you appreciate the advice.
  
  Advice to the Criticizer
  
• When you give constructive criticism that may be construed as negative, be sure to 'pad' it with a positive opening, as they do in many cultures: ‘I am not here to criticize you but…”or “don’t take it the wrong way, I am just trying to help…”
• When criticizing people who are going through a critical phase, do it only if it's going to benefit them. Go easy, and don't be too critical.

Dr Zloof offers one-to-one coaching or group workshops using his unique techniques in MindVisualizer tm. A 30-minute complimentary session one-to-one coaching or group session is available. Email dr.zloof@gmail.com

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