When You Friend
Needs Your Emotional Support
By Dr. Moshe Zloof
We all have many acquaintances, but only a handful of friends with whom we feel comfortable enough to vent our problems. And even with the diminished number with whom we interact closely , most of us seem to have lost empathy and become less sensitive to feel the plight of friends when they are in a crisis and need our emotional support. The reasons, whether it is the fast-paced life style or stressful work conditions, are immaterial. What does matter is the ability to relate to one another.
I am writing this short article due to the numerous occasions I have observed people make untactful blunders (including myself) when friends air some of their problems as they seek emotional support.
Advice
Needs Your Emotional Support
By Dr. Moshe Zloof
We all have many acquaintances, but only a handful of friends with whom we feel comfortable enough to vent our problems. And even with the diminished number with whom we interact closely , most of us seem to have lost empathy and become less sensitive to feel the plight of friends when they are in a crisis and need our emotional support. The reasons, whether it is the fast-paced life style or stressful work conditions, are immaterial. What does matter is the ability to relate to one another.
I am writing this short article due to the numerous occasions I have observed people make untactful blunders (including myself) when friends air some of their problems as they seek emotional support.
Advice
I will illustrate this is through examples of untactful behavior, countered with an alternative more considerate response.
Example 1:
Bob: My doctor informed me I may have a brain tumor, in which case I will need brain surgery. I am waiting for results of an MRI and I’m very worried.
Untactful answer: Don’t worry; I just had a hernia operation and it was very successful.
Comments: The reason it is untactful is that the two medical conditions/surgeries are not in the same level of severity; one cannot possibly equate a brain tumor-especially when it is not known whether it is cancerous- to a hernia.
Tactful answer: Sorry to hear that. I hope the tumor turns out to be benign; a friend of mine had a similar situation 3 years ago, he was operated on and he is back to normal.
Comments: Here the given answer is on the same level of severity, introducing a positive attitude to somewhat reducing worry. It doesn’t matter whether example cited is real or imaginary, as long as it gives Bob some degree of comfort.
Example 2:
Bob: Due to the down turn in the economy my company is laying off many employees, and I am very worried I may be next.
Untactful answer from Tom: My Company is in a good shape; in fact I may get a large bonus this year.
Comments: Here instead of consoling his friend, Tom is bragging about himself. Will Bob ever turn to Tom for solace and encouragement again?
When a friend behaves with insensitivity and empathy towards you, eventually your unconscious mind will reject him/her from the list of friends that you may want to turn to when in need of a shoulder to lean on.
A summary of insightful and considerate behavior:
Do’s:
1. Show some empathy.
2. Give some examples on the same level of severity (real or imaginary) to mitigate their worries.
3. Show them that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
4. Try to argue that the negative situation they are currently in may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
1. Show some empathy.
2. Give some examples on the same level of severity (real or imaginary) to mitigate their worries.
3. Show them that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
4. Try to argue that the negative situation they are currently in may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
Don’t’s:
1. Don’t try to switch the focus from your friend’s needs to your successes.
2. Don’t try to teach your friend your ‘lessons’ when they are in the middle of a crisis, unless they are part of a solution.
1. Don’t try to switch the focus from your friend’s needs to your successes.
2. Don’t try to teach your friend your ‘lessons’ when they are in the middle of a crisis, unless they are part of a solution.
No comments:
Post a Comment